March 20, 2005

The Most Beautiful Dude

I thought I was handling everything great. It didn't take me long to thank God that I didn't get the job I wanted --- I'm sure it's for the best. But after a month of general aimlessness, depression is setting in like gangrene. And once again I'm horrified by how much a person's experience of God is affected by things like depression.

It's scary, how much nothing I feel. What if I wake up tomorrow and I just don't believe anymore? I read this article by a guy who went through a "Christian phase" in high school, and his faith just evaporated one day. What was interesting to me was that he said the problem was that he still loved Jesus, even today. He referred to Him as "The most beautiful dude." And I can't help but agree.

Today is Palm Sunday. I love Lent. I truly, truly do. It refocuses my attention on the Beautiful Dude --- as the aforementioned author put it, "Look at what he said." I guess I would add, look at what He did.

Which doesn't solve all my problems right this second. But I guess it does, in a way, because focusing on someone so unequivocally beautiful changes my situation just a tiny bit: Part of Jesus' beauty is His accessibility for the needy.

Which I so clearly am.

Posted by jessica at March 20, 2005 06:13 PM