July 07, 2005

Experiment Update ii

Yesterday I wasn't in a great mood. I guess it wasn't a bad mood exactly; just not a happy one. I'd just finished reading an emotionally thought-provoking novel, and people in my family were mad at each other. And maybe the whole orthodox thing was just kind of occupying my mind --- I've been thinking a lot about community and the lack thereof in my life and how to remedy that and the multitude of reasons why I suck at it. In any case, I just wasn't in a perky, self-assertive kind of mood.

So when I talked to people, my voice was quiet rather than firm, and I probably didn't make great eye contact. But I decided that's okay. Because if acting like a confident girl is about self-acceptance, it has to be okay for me to just be kind of quiet and pensive sometimes. That's how I am. And that's okay --- right?

I'd feel better if I weren't going to Denver Sunday for a publishing conference, during which time I'm going to be largely on my own and will need to mix and mingle with people I've never met. I know it's going to be a great time, but I'm seriously not a natural mingler. I wish I could be one of those instant friend-makers just for four days.

But I'm not. And so the experiment continues.

Posted by jessica at July 7, 2005 08:22 PM