September 23, 2005

Happy Thoughts

(Man, that's like two Peter Pan titles in a row for me, isn't it?)

Itís occurred to me that my blog is kind of negative, isnít it? Like my last post --- I apparently couldnít see the humor in a forty-year-old man wearing a sack with little purple flowers all over it. I mean, come on, thatís funny.

When I was in sixth grade, I had to give a little presentation on a chosen topic for some class or another. I chose animal cruelty, a subject very near and dear to my heart. Activist Girl, here to save the day. I found a bunch of statistics and plastered them alongside a huge photo of a deeply emaciated horse on posterboard. It was like a Holocaust exhibit.

My junior year, I had to do more or less the same thing for my anatomy class. I chose Alzheimerís and described in detail the gravity and sadness of losing oneís memory and life. Later, I was congratulated on depressing the entire class.

Thatís me: depressing the crap out of everyone since 1992.

So today I shall take a break from depressio with a few Deep Thoughts. (You know that SNL sketch where Jack Handey sits down and writes out a bunch of deep thoughts?) Here are a few of my favorites and a couple of my own. I bet you can guess which ones are mine, because they suck.


I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

If someone is stopped in front of you at a stoplight starts having car trouble and canít figure out whatís wrong, so they just sit there with their hazard lights on, I think a nice thing to do is run into them so they donít look stupid.

I wish I lived on a planet that had two suns---regular sun and "rogue" sun. That way, when somebody asked me what time it was, I'd say, "Regular time?" And they'd say, "Yeah." And I'd say, "Sorry, all I have is rogue time." It'd be fun to be a stuck-up rogue-time guy.

Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a "shell" if you will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags.

If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.

Posted by jessica at September 23, 2005 10:21 AM