So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. Genesis 32:24
Why has my whole life seemed like a wrestling match? Am I like Jacob? Am I trying to succeed in my own strength at every turn?
Jacob changed. Exactly what brought about the change, I don't know. But somewhere along the way, his selfish heart began to soften. He began to care more about the people in his life than about what he could grab from them. Jacob grabbed Esau's heel at birth. He grabbed his brother's birthright and blessing. He grabbed his wives and flocks from Laban. Oh, he worked hard along the way, but he seemed to grab hold of all these things and pull them in tightly saying, "These are what make me who I am. See how much I have achieved!"
But while going back home to the land God had promised him, we witness a change. Jacob acknowledged that everything he acquired was due to God's blessing. He originally crossed the Jordan river with his staff alone. He now returned a wealthy man with many children. As Esau's men approached, Jacob sent out gifts. Then finally, he sent his family and possessions ahead as he stayed behind for the night. He let go of all he had acquired.
It was then that God wrestled with him face to face.
Lord, why do I wrestle so? I know the truth: You give more than I could ever grab for myself. Yet life is still a struggle.
You have given me inspiration and understanding in order to teach, yet I struggle with trying to shine because of my knowledge. In the end, I look stupid.
You have given me talents that bless and inspire others, yet I struggle in sharing them with a pure heart. In the end, I too often desire the praise and affirmation of men.
You have given me a loving and affectionate wife and two wonderful children, yet I struggle to love them as I should. In the end, I fear I could choose to pursue my lusts over them. I could lose everything.
Continue to protect me, Lord, from this nature inside that would choose the world instead of You. Wrestle with me for as long as it takes; wrench me if You must. I long to be in Your grip. Hold me tightly - face to face.