Moses was there with the Lord forty days and forty nights without eating bread or drinking water. And he wrote on the tablets the words of the covenant - the Ten Commandments. Exodus 34:28
Moses blew it. He allowed his temper to get the better of him, and he destroyed the tablets containing the words of the covenant. Yet God gave him a second chance. For another forty days and forty nights, Moses stayed on Mount Sinai in the presence of God. He neither ate nor drank. I wonder if he even slept. Just being with God was enough.
The logic may seem a little odd, but it seems to me that is wasn't a bad thing for Moses to break the original tablets containing the Ten Commandments. He was given a second opportunity to spend forty days alone with God. My human mind seems to conclude that messing up might be acceptable because God is a God of second chances.
Lord, this way of thinking is dangerous. For much of my life, I have seemed to live for that second chance. At times You seemed closer because I was in constant need of forgiveness for obvious sin. The remorse I felt for failing You almost daily seemed acceptable because Your arms are always open.
Sin, however, will never do more than hold me down. For six months, I have made conscious choices to deny the addictive behaviors that once plagued me so strongly. Oh, these sins have been replaced with others - selfishness continues to taunt me. But am I better off? Do I sense Your presence as strongly as when I was in the pit?
I think what I am finally beginning to understand is: You are enough. I don't need to embrace sin in order to find You. You are always here. Thank You, Father, for standing with open arms. Help me to chase after You - the first time, so I will no longer need the second chance.