As I am sitting down at my computer this morning, I feel that same old pit in my stomach starting to well up within me. The adrenaline in my system cries out to be let loose... "Please, free us from this place! Let us run rampant throughout your body. Feast your eyes on what will excite - on what will allow us to do our dirty work."
Oh, how I hate this feeling... this sense that if I don't get some type of release - some form of escape from the loneliness, I may waste away into nothingness. My body longs to give in to the sinful urges that once brought comfort - if only for a few moments. The euphoria of my addictive rantings calls from my past begging me to give in - to let go - to cross that 2-second barrier into the dark places of the spider's web.
But despite my feelings... I have a friend, whom I refuse to disappoint today. I made a commitment. I told him that I would work diligently to stay away from the smallest escapes, for with them comes disaster.
Thank you, my friend. Thank you for holding me accountable - for shifting my eyes away from myself to the One who meets all my needs and my deepest desires. May God bless you this day.