I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. Psalm 118:17
Which will I choose? Death or life? Would anyone notice my choice?
Yesterday was a strange day. Everywhere I went, it felt like I was on the outside looking in. Like a ghost trapped on this side of death, I seemed to be wandering unseen among the living. Oh, there were a few who noticed me, so I must have been alive. Yet something was different? Why did I feel so invisible? Was it them? Or was it me?
I know the answer.
It was me.
Nothing anyone did made me disappear. I simply wasn't there. If I had been, others might have heard what the Lord is doing in my life. In recent months, He has done so much. But when faced with those I should have told, I froze. The words could not come out of my mouth because... in truth, I don't know if I believe it. How can I proclaim life, when I don't believe I am alive?
Someone close to me recently expressed concern that I would eventually leave - not physically but emotionally. Is this concern valid? From past experience, I would say it is. But the past is gone. The dead man I once was is no longer.
I need to start proclaiming the truth: I am alive. Only by the grace of God - I am alive!
Lord, forgive my unbelief. Forgive my silence. Help me to proclaim the work You have accomplished in me. Help me to believe it is real.
Bring me back to life.